The Ginger Panther

He's the five-time winner of Camberley's prestigious fastest ginger award, twice runner up in the Basingstoke ginger mini tennis league and widely acknowledged as one of the world's leading forces on ginger confectionary. They call him the ginger panther, he's fast.

Rumours of the g’panthers stair climb challenge effort spread around UCHL like wild fire, but really hot wild fire, and more wild. The scheduled ascent time was set for the holy ginger hour of 6.30pm, when all gingers are genetically encoded to unroll a life size poster of Boris Becker pheasant shooting and salute it with a smoked kipper.

The first spanner in the works came when lawyers dissected the small print of the ginger panther's insurance documentation, revealing that he wasn't ensured against sonic booms, and subsequently should he break the sound barrier in the stair well might have to foot the bill for levelling the hospital out of his own pocket, and his outfit notoriously has no pockets.

Concluding one hour of negotiations, the decision was made that the ginger panther would only ascend using 65% effort (the same amount of effort Boris Becker uses during a second serve), reducing, but not elimination the threat of a sonic boom.

When crunch time came, the ginger enigma chocked like a man who'd been told he was eating steak, but then got told it was liver mid-chew, like a sick joke. Not only forgetting to start timing his effort until floor five, the subsequent time, which did not take into account 30% of the challenge, was crap, and probably didn't merit the 4 minutes of floor based recovery while repeatedly chanting 'highest building in the world'.

The ginger panther declined to comment on his dismal effort, but his publicist said he may have been touched by a witch while ordering an omelette the day before.

The leader board remains unchanged.