Hand Stinky: Exploding The Myth

The hand stinky is arguably the most important sexual denomination within the immeasurable echelons of the erotic domain. It's only natural to ponder how this colossal leviathan of smut has thus far remained unknown to the recreational sex jockey, though this is sort of pondering is inherently inconsequential. The Hand Stinky is now in full effect.

The Hand Stinky

a) A hand stinky is received when either hand (port or starboard) or the fingers of ones hand (port or starboard) are inserted into an orifice typically associated with sex. This party is then the recipient of what has previously been referred to as 'the musk glove' aka, The Hand Stinky.

b) The passive partner typically has very little say in their bestowing of the Hand Stinky upon the probing hands of their sexual accomplice. An example of this may come from a gentleman who has been fingered by his girlfriend, provoking a line such as: ‘I gave my girlfriend a hand stinky last night, it was harrowing’.

c) The hand stinky is only given by the passive partner.

d) It is impossible to give a Hand Stinky to oneself unless a sequence of events not dissimilar in rarity to those seen in the 2002 blockbuster smash 'The Perfect Storm" occur, culminating in one receiving a fisting from oneself whilst completely naive to the fact that a 'Self Stinky' is occurring. This maybe the result of a Valium induced head-mental or the fall out from a 3 week long sleep deprived crossword bender.

di) Self Stinkies are banned in Hungary and most midwestern US states.

e) Power moves such as the 'German handcuffs' are typically classed as a Double Stinky. Double Stinkys are only possible if the giver is able to accommodate two hands.

f) Situations involving three or more hands are given the collective title of ‘The Stink Pit’ and thus far have only gained notoriety amongst dog breeders and Kate Bush.